I want help in editing my 4 pages essay. Its about a significant moment in my li

I want help in editing my 4 pages essay. Its about a significant moment in my life that involved communication. Since Im an international student I chose my conversation with my father about studying abroad.I will attach the essay prompt. and all the professor comments about what need to be editted. It will help you a lot.Some of the comments says that I have to focus more about the points that interested me the most and summarize the other points. The points that interested me the most is the point that many people in my country has the same major as mine and so it is challenging (this is in page 3 ). The second point that interested me is that studying in America can make me learn English perfectly (page 34). The third point is that studying abroad can give a lot of experience and make me more responsible toward a lot of things (page 4).Please consider other professor comments.